2017 PACIFIC COAST HIGHLIGHTS
Red Raiders 8 – Beavers 4
Game 2 of City Championship
The Beavers lost a tough game in the second leg of the championship series to the Red Raiders 8-4 on Wednesday. The Beavers got big hits from Nick, Brady, Devon, Mac, Aiden, Kaylee, Manny, John and Ollie, but left too many ducks on the pond to overcome the crimson scourge. Any fan of Pac-10 football knows that Beavers hate to leave Ducks upright, in any sport.
The Beavers coaches decided to pump up the troops after the game by bringing in Coach Tony D’Amato from Any Given Sunday to charge them up for Wednesday. “Beavers, the game of baseball is a game of inches. Those inches are all around us. On this team, Beavers FIGHT for those INCHES! We gnaw with our incisors for that INCH! Because we know, that at the end of the day, those inches are the difference between WINNING and LOSING! Beavers, if you look to your right or left, you are going to see a rodent that is willing to fight for that INCH with you! That is BEAVER BASEBALL! Now what are we gonna do?”
Get ready for an amazing third act Beaver fanatics.
Beavers 4 – Red Raiders 3
Game 1 of City Championship
The Beavers started the first game of the championship series versus the Red Raiders on Saturday with a hard fought 4-3 victory. The Beavers hit the ball decently, putting many runners on base. Yet like a Happy Gilmore putt, too many of the Beavers were afraid to go home. The Beavers stranded more people than the Skipper and Gilligan on a 3 hour tour. But in the end, the Beavers were able to drive home the winning run in the bottom of the last inning to secure the game 1 victory. Nick, William, Brady, Devon, Mac, Kaylee, Manny, John, Ollie, and Sam all added punch to the hitting attack throughout the game.
The Beavers will go into the second game of the series on Monday at 6:15. It promises to be a tough game as several Red Raiders will be back from their short player strike after management caved into their demands for a 30% increase in Capri Suns and Gushers. The fan-tailed heroes will have to bring their best effort of the year to pull out a victory. Rodent fever is high, and this is not a fever that can be cured by more cowbell, but by more Beaver runs being scored.
Red Raiders 3 – Dragons 1
Game 2 of Playoffs
Beavers 9 – Stars 1
Game 1 of Playoffs
Somebody call the bartender, because the Beavers want another round. The Beavers were able to start out the playoffs in fine fashion with a 9-1 victory over the slick fielding Stars team. All of the Beavers hit, every single one of them.(Except O’Bannion who left early to get paint off his clothes) This total team effort in winning the first leg of the journey fired up the fan-tailed nation faithful, and hopefully will leave the rest of the Beaver opponents Dazed and Confused.
Beavers super-fan David Wooderson was quoted as saying “Alright, alright, alright! One thing I like about those Beaver victories is that I keep getting older, but they play the same way”. Other Beavers loyalists, such as Randall “Pink” Floyd, and Mitch Kramer called for a party at the moon tower to celebrate. But Coach Dane and Coach Jeff were having none of it. They put on their Bike coaches short shorts, tucked in their shirts, and forced all of the Beaver players to sign a voluntary pledge to avoid anything that could jeopardize a championship season in 2017. Consequently Slater and Pickford are banned from the Beaver training facility until after playoffs, at which time Aerosmith tickets will likely become the top priority for the summer. (Cue Slow ride by Foghat.)
Red Raiders vs Stars
Beavers 5 – Dragons 1
The Beavers were painted into a corner on Saturday afternoon. It was hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, only 10 of the Beavers were able to armor up for battle, and Colonel Decker had locked the team in a makeshift jail guarded by two hearing impaired army privates. But Coach Jeff “Hannibal” Rathnaw and Coach Dane “Howling Mad” Winbigler had a plan. Using a modicum of materials available, including 1/2 plate steel, a welding torch, a small dozer, and a couple spare carbine rifles, the Coaches were able to A-Team the Beavers to escape with a victory, and a regular season championship in PC by beating the Dragons 4-1. COACHES LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER!
The Beaver faithful were able to watch the fan-tailed heroes get key hits from Nick, Brady, William, Devon, Ollie, Aiden and Tre to get the critical runs needed to secure the win. The players are now primed for a playoff run starting on Monday afternoon at 6PM. Still being pursued by the other teams in the Pacific Coast, they now reside in the Detroit underground, surviving as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem…if no one else can help…if you can find them…..maybe you can hire….THE BEAVER A-TEAM.
Red Raiders 5 – Beavers 4
The Raiders liked their chances when Beaver coach Jeff showed up in a “I’d rather be on my boat” t-shirt. Beaver coach Dane was late due to his Sports Journalism class and the Raiders took advantage to sneak out a 5-4 win. Crashman Chris caught a tough line drive and Mayor Cole, Big Al, and Violet”nce” all had nice put outs. At the plate, the Raiders saw clutch doubles from Jeri-mah on Fire and Glamour stride Ella. Young pup Noah and Big Al also had a couple hits and Violet”nce” and Mayor Cole set the pace with 3-3 days. The Raiders will look to take this momentum through the end of the season and into the playoffs.
As the Beavers took the field on Monday, visions of the end of school, summer pool parties, and whatever a 6 year old envisions as the equivalent of Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks, all danced in their heads. Unfortunately this elementary school senioritis left them in less than peak form, leading to a 5-4 loss to the Red Raiders on Monday. The Beavers attempted a valiant comeback in the final inning, but could not push the tying run across the plate, falling just short of subjecting parents to later bed-times and crabbier children.
The Overbite Warriors will look to rebound on Saturday with a win that would give the fan-tailed heroes a regular season title, and the first seed in the playoffs. The Beaver faithful hope to see a return to greatness. The coaches promise to have the troops ready. No more will the fans see a Jay-Z / 99 Problems performance of busting out a grape in a fruit fight. The Beavers plan to come ready to ambush their opponents, use their carcasses to build their home, and serve notice to all comers: To confront the Beaver is to court death.
Beavers 7 – Stars 1
Richardo Montelban famously said as a chest plated Khan in Star Trek II, “Revenge is a dish best served…cold.” Well it was not cold on Saturday in the slightest. But the Beavers were able to avenge their last loss to the Stars by winning the rematch 7-1. The Beavers did not have a complete colony, with some players out. But the team played focused baseball, despite the Kelvin level temperatures and noon day sun. The team played a complete game, and all of the kids contributed with good plays at the plate, and in the field. Nick, Kaylee, Devon, Brady, Oliver, Aiden, Tre, John, Juan, and Manny all made their coaches proud.
The Beavers only have 2 games left to play until the start of playoffs, and look to ramp up the intensity prior to kicking off their quest for a championship. Look for their training montage, set to “Push it to the Limit” by Paul Engemann, to drop any day now on Youtube. It will make the montage of Rocky Balboa training to fight Drago look like Muppet Babies. Beaver Baseball: It’s rodent-tastic!
Red Raiders over Dragons
Young Jeri-mah on Fire got the Raiders going leading off the game with a hit on his way to a 4-4 day. Chris the Crash and Mayor Cole also went 4-4. Big Al, Violet”nce” and midseason call up Noah all had 3 hits.The Raiders played some good 1st inning defense to set the tone for the day including a nice pop out catch by Violet”nce”.
Beavers 18 – Red Raiders 9
Coach Dane realized the Beavers had a tough matchup versus a top notch Red Raiders team, so he brought in Colonel Jessup from A Few Good Men to pump up the troops in pre-game. He was quoted as saying, “Beavers! We live in a world of hitters, a world that has to be guarded by infielders with gloves. Parents have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That your presence on that field, while intimidating and scary to other parents, saves runs. Because deep down in places that parents don’t talk about at parties, they NEED YOU ON THAT INFIELD! They WANT YOU ON THAT INFIELD! We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain our Beaver Dam defense to those who do not witness it. Go get em!”
After being sufficiently pumped up, the Beavers unleashed an onslaught or hits and was able to prevail over a great hitting Red Raider team, 18-9. For the second game in a row, every single beaver player was able to get a hit and contribute to the run parade. The focus of the Beaver defense was very good and they were able to keep hits on the infield, and turn doubles into singles. Mac, Nick, Kaylee, Devon, Brady, Oliver, Aiden, William, Tre, John, Juan, and Manny can all be very proud, but not as proud as Coach Dane and Coach Jeff. Join us on Saturday for Oprah Winfrey day, where you get a hit, and you get a hit, and you get a hit, and you get a hit.The Raiders jumped out to a 5-0 lead after the 1st inning. But the game was not over as Beaver coach Jeff reminded the Beavers that it wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.The Raiders put it in cruise control and let the Beavers outscore them 18-4 the next 5 innings. The ball proved too round for the Raiders to field and coach Tom was pitching too fast for the Raiders to keep pace.
Red Raiders 11 – Stars 1
Beavers 6 – Dragons 3
The Beavers and the Dragons met again on Saturday after having a hard fought rain date remake on Friday night. And just like the movie Groundhog Day, the Beavers were able to live out the same game all over again. The dam building hitters shined as brightly as the massive smile on Andie MacDowell at high noon. The Beavers took an early lead, allowed a few runs to get through in the middle innings, and then finished off the game with some stellar defensive plays. Mac, Nick, Kaylee, Devon, Brady, Oliver, Aiden, William, and Juan all collected hits to contribute to the Orange Onslaught.
The Beavers are now through 3 of their 4 games in 6 days stretch to kick off the second half of the season. They have fought hard to overcome booster seat lag and push through this grueling stretch of games. The coaching staff plans to use advanced cryotherapy, acupuncture, and electro-shock therapy to keep the big orange machine healthy and ready to strike. Next on deck is a matchup Monday versus the Red Raiders at 6:15. It promises to be an explosive matchup, so just like the interstate fireworks stores, we ask our fans to refrain from smoking within 100 feet of this red hot team.
Beavers 13 – Dragons 8
The Beavers looked to rebound after a tough loss on Wednesday and halt their losing skid at 2 games. The Beavers are a battle hardened group of rodents, and the players decided to put out their best effort on Friday. To paraphrase Jack Burton in Big Trouble in Little China, “Just remember what ol’ Di Mambro Beavers do when the Earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, the Beavers just look that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and say, “Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.”
The Dragons definitely gave the Beavers a good shot, but the Overbite Warriors were able to prevail 13-8. All of the Beavers players contributed to the win with a hit (or three) that led to the final score being on the plus side. The defense and the focus of the Beavers was excellent, making several hard hit balls carom off their impenetrable infield dam, and turn doubles into singles. The Beavers will follow up this hard fought win on Saturday with a 12:30 tilt against the Dragons again after the Friday night rain date makeup. The Beavers hope to make it Bill Murray day at the park, with a Groundhog Day repeat performance, but without Sonny and Cher blaring on the alarm clock. We hope to see you there.
Red Raiders 5 – Dragons 1
Stars 3 – Beavers 1
Just like the majority of the best picture nominees selected by the critics for the Oscars each year, the game between the Beavers and the Stars was difficult to watch. The Beavers came out as flat as the tails attached to their rear extremities. The Stars jumped out to a 3-0 lead by getting several balls past a hibernating Beaver clan on the infield. The Beavers awoke to put a run on the board in the later innings, but fell short with several opportunities to send runners home along the way. Nick, Devon, Aiden, William, Juan, and Manny led the hitting attack, but the team was unable to get more woodland teammates across the dish, and lost by a final of 3-1.
The loss left the Beaver faithful shocked in the end, similarly to the Hollywood elite who were shocked that LaLa Land lost best picture. But unlike the Hollywood elite in those echo chambers, there are no snowflakes on this Beaver squad. They promise to suck it up, sharpen their protruding orange incisors, and reward their faithful with an onslaught of runs on Friday. Join us at 6:15 for Anibal Sanchez night, where fans will be treated to a case of neck whiplash while watching the balls rocket past the pitching machine with every swing of the bat.
Red Raiders 4 – Stars 1
Red Raiders 14 – Beavers 5
The Beaver lost to the Red Raiders on Saturday morning 14-5. Not since Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre the Giant in 1987 before 93,000 fans at the Pontiac Silverdome, has a behemoth fallen in a manner that has shaken the world to its pillars in the same way. The Beavers put together a lot of hits, but Elephant Ear withdrawals plagued the concentration of the team, and the usual stellar defense was unable to contain the Crimson Tide of hits. Much like that terrible submarine movie starring Denzel Washington and Gene Hackman, fans left the field disappointed in the ending, feeling that something more should have happened. Mac, Nick, Devon, Brady, Aiden, William, Tre, John, and Manny all had hits, just not in a manner that produced the typical onslaught of runs. The Beavers will lick their wounds, fix that defensive infield dam, and try again next Wednesday to get back on the winning track. Coach Dane is confident that without echoes of carnies asking them to spend $5 to win a dollar store inflatable toy, they will resume their winning ways. We hope to see you there!
The Raiders played shorthanded, but focused baseball Saturday morning and beat the undefeated Beavers 13-6. This was a total team victory with all 9 players getting a hit. The Raiders came early, warmed up strong, and played focused baseball. Alex and Cole made key defensive putouts. Cole had 2 doubles and 4 hits, Violet had a double and 4 hits, and Chris was perfect at the plate. Jeri-Mah, Elliott, Malcolm, Alana, and Ella all made key plays in the victory.
Dragons 10 – Stars 4
The Dragons won a hard-fought game against the Stars 10-4 on the strength of some terrific hitting from Game Ball recipients JT, Emma and Kaleb. Excellent defense and additional offense were provided by fellow Dragons Isaiah, Matthew, Christian, Kendall, and Konner. The Dragons have now won two games in a row and have served noticed to the rest of the Pacific Coast League, and in particular, the first-place (for now) Beavers, whose Coach, Sir Dane Winbigler, was overheard saying “Oh BOY, LOOK OUT FOR THEM DRAGONS.”
Beavers 7 – Stars 0
Beavers 8 – Stars 1
The fan tailed heroes started out sluggishly in their inaugural matchup versus the Stars. The first few innings the Beavers played like they were back at work on Monday morning after catching the redeye back from Vegas. But then Sam Soper earned the Ed Block courage award for taking a tough pitch off the hand and still making it into a single. That hit proved to be the spark that ignited the Beavers out of their Zach Galifianakis-like slumber. The Beavers quickly put down Baby Carlos, and picked up some freshly chewed lumber to begin hitting. Mac, Nick, Kaylee, Devon, Brady, Ollie, Aiden, William, John, and Manny all chipped in with the hitting attack, and the Beavers were able to prevail, 8-1. Coach Jeff, realizing that the NCAA had no jurisdiction over gifts to players in the PC league, treated the players to ice cream John Calipari style after the game. The Beavers will take their undefeated record into the friendly confines of LL#3 in a Stars rematch on Friday. Stop by for a great game at 6:15PM, unless you are still sick from eating your third funnel cake at the St. Joan of Arc fair.
Dragons 4 – Stars 1
Beavers 17 – Red Raiders 8
The game between the Beavers and the Red Raiders was a real life Clash of the Titans. But no cutting edge claymation Krakkens or Medusas were needed to make this game epic. Years from now, great scribes will tell the tale of the Pancake-tailed Warriors of Beaverton defeating the Crimson Raiders of Rhodes. The Beavers prevailed 17-8 in a slugfest featuring hits from ALL 10 Beaver players. Mac, Nick, Devon, Brady, Ollie, William, John, Juan, Manny, and Sammy all had big hits at different times in the game. More impressively, the Beavers built a dam on the infield, with great defensive plays stopping many critical runs from scoring. The victory moved the Beavers to 4-0 on the season. They will look to continue the streak next Wednesday versus the Stars for the 1st time. The first 10,000 fans get Beaver Tail fidget spinners, provided that 7-11 sells them too, and that you purchase them prior to the game. We hope to see you there.
The Raiders and Beavers played a close game until the Beavers offense exploded like a Mens’ league softball game in the 5th and 6th inning for 12 runs. The Beavers walked away with a triumphant 17-8 victory. Violent Violet had 4 hits. Cole, Alex, Ella, Chris, Alex, Elliott all had multiple hits.
Red Raiders 2 – Stars 1
It was another defensive struggle as the short-handed Raiders squeaked out a 2-1 victory over the Stars. King Cole and cousin Big Al were perfect at the plate. Chris had another good hit and Alana had the game winning RBI in the 5th inning.
Beavers 5 – Dragons 0
The Dragons and Stars matchup looked like it was going to be a repeat of the first game, in which both teams had trouble stringing together hits. But then in the 4th inning, the Beavers unleashed a tidal wave of hits that would have flipped the Poseidon, had Shelly Winters pretending to be Aquaman, and led Gene Hackman to yell anyone who mildly disagreed with him. After almost everyone went hitless in the first 3 innings, every single Beaver coming to bat made solid contact. Mac, Nick, Kaylee, Devon, Brady, Oliver, Juan, and Sammy all pounded out hits to put up a 5 run inning. The pancake tailed onslaught led the Beavers to a 5-0 victory, and improved the team record to 3-0 on the young season. The Beavers will look to continue their winning ways versus the Red Raiders this Saturday at 10AM. Stop by early for a complementary continental breakfast spread, provided you bring the juice, eggs, bacon, pancakes, and melon.
Red Raiders 6 – Stars 2
The Rhodes Red Raiders got their 1st win of the young season with a come from behind 6-2 victory over the Cilluffo Stars. The win was fueled by a 5 run 6th inning explosion. Veteran VIOLEnTce Jenkins made her 1st appearance of the season and smacked a single and double while playing clutch defense. King Cole continued his hitting and defensive ways with a double and a single and little brother/rookie sensation Elliott the Moose smacked his first ever double – the Taylor boys were double trouble. Saniyah and the Williams sisters all had two hits. Ella got it a hit in her first ever at bat and young Malcolm in the Middle of all the Action had another hit. Chris continued to be very aggressive at the plate and in the field with a key RBI and solid defense. Jamir scored a run and batted in another and Harper Woods Little League Royalty Jeri-mah looked like a pro with his toughness and technique behind the plate. Big Al made crucial plays on defense.
Beavers 1 – Dragons 0
To paraphrase the late, great Rowdy Roddy Piper: “The Beavers have come here to beat a talented Dragons Team, and chew bubblegum….And we’re all outta bubble gum.” The Beavers were able to outlast the Dragons 1-0 in a tight game where hits were hard to find, but energy and excitement were everywhere. The Overbite Warriors got key hits from Nick, Devon, Aiden, and William to eek out a run that proved to be the deciding factor. The Beavers have improved to 2-0, and look to face a top rated Stars Team on Saturday. Free Coach Jeff bobble heads to the first 500 fans, featuring realistic pitching machine release action! We hope to see you there.
Beavers 2 – Red Raiders 0
Just like Justin Verlander 6 years and 1 supermodel ago, the Beavers are a tough squad on opening day. The buck toothed bombers pulled out a 2-0 win over the talented Red Raiders. The voice of the turtle was heard throughout the land as the Beavers broke open a 0-0 tie in the 4th inning. Devon, Kaylee, Tre, Ollie, Sammy, and Mac paced the hitting attack, while the rest of the Beavers contributed great defense and made plays. This looks to be a hungry Beaver squad, eyeing not a delicious birch tree, but a championship season. Be sure to come out on Wednesday for another round of Beaver baseball, free admission to the first 2,000 fans.
The Rhodes Red Raiders lost a pitchers’ duel on a dreary opening day 2-0 to the upstart eager Di Mambro Beavers. The Williams Sisters combined for 3 hits and King Cole added a couple. Malcolm in the Middle of all the action smacked the 1st hit of his young career.
Stars 1 – Dragons 0